It’s Okay to Feel Bad Sometimes
If there's one thing almost everyone can agree on, it's that life can be challenging.
When folks are going through tough times, people may give advice like, "Focus on the positives!" "Look on the bright side," or say cliché things like, "You're such a strong person; you got this!" or "I don't know how you do it."
While they intend to be positive and supportive, the problem is that statements like those don't acknowledge that sometimes situations suck, and it's hard to find the positives. They don't recognize that people may need help or acknowledgment of their struggles.
Yes, eventually, they'll get through the muck to the other side, but until then, they deserve to feel however they're feeling, even if it's not optimistic and cheerful.
Having emotions isn't bad.
Being happy and finding the positives in life takes effort, especially when things are challenging; however, society urges you to look at the bright side of situations. Why? because society is not comfortable with discomfort.
You are faced with messages to power through, stuff it down, and grit your teeth. You learned to keep your problems to yourself and work on them in private. You put on a polished front in public; you don't let folks see the darker moments. You don't have to rush to feel positive and happy. It is normal and acceptable to feel and process your emotions as they come.
If you are mad, be angry. If you are feeling rejected, feel that sadness or embarrassment. If you are disappointed, grieve your unmet expectations. Not handling these emotions and making space for them means you are pushing them down inside yourself, and like a jack in the box, the slightest trigger can force them to pop up and scare the shit out of you when you least expect them.
The goal should be to recognize how you feel, allow yourself to feel and process it, and then let it go as you move toward your baseline of emotions (your 'normal').
By not allowing yourself the grace, space, and time to process your feelings, you risk having them appear later and usually out of context. Dealing with repressed anger or sadness months or even years down the road is more complicated than facing the emotions head-on while they happen. Is it uncomfortable? Yes, growth always is, but it'll be uncomfortable now and later, so avoiding it simply delays the inevitable.
Do you have the time to handle it right now? A better question may be, "Do you have the time NOT to?" Ignoring it won't make it go away, and whatever you're trying to avoid will bleed into other areas of your life, whether you realize it or not.
It's also crucial to identify your feelings, allow yourself to process them, and then move forward because it helps you set protective boundaries by holding others accountable.
For example, if you're in a relationship with someone who takes advantage of you and your generosity, you can focus on the positives by saying, "This person needs me, and I'm doing my part to be supportive. Once they're in a better place financially/emotionally, things will be better, and I'm lucky that I have a good job that gives me the time and money I need to help this person." This approach views the situation from a positive angle, but it doesn't consider your needs, and it doesn't hold the other person accountable.
Instead, tell them you care about them but feel used when they borrow money without paying it back / vent to you without listening to your stories/ ask you to do more than your fair share without acknowledgement, etc. This approach recognizes your feelings, sets realistic guidelines for the relationship, and allows you both to move forward in a positive direction (should you choose).
Focusing on the bright spots or powering through struggles in a relationship puts the onus on you instead of expecting both parties to be equally responsible for their behavior and how they make the other person feel. If your partner comes home late every evening without an explanation or is consistently missing dinner and making you eat alone, address it. If your partner doesn't help with the chores or expects you to manage the family while they watch sports or go shopping with friends, address it.
Trying to find joy in a toxic or unhealthy relationship allows one person to get away with behaving poorly or not fixing their flaws. In these situations, good communication and accountability are needed, along with not focusing solely on the negatives. No one is perfect, so try not to focus only on the positives or on the negatives to have a clear view of your relationship.
Additionally, being happy is not always immediately possible when you are experiencing a mental health issue or crisis. If you are in the throes of depression, no amount of focusing on being happy can miraculously make you happy. It can help you to stay focused on making good choices and taking each day step by step, but it can't "fix" the underlying issue. In these situations, it's essential to use your resources (medication, therapy, counseling, mental health days, etc.) and set realistic expectations for how you should be feeling or what you should be accomplishing.
Overall, focusing on finding joy in your daily life is important and a great way to keep your spirits high; however, it is equally critical to address your whole self, and that includes feelings of negativity or frustration.
It is healthy to be an emotional being as long as you don't wallow in grief or self-pity. The goal is to visit your emotions, not unpack and stay there permanently. Focus on finding happiness and looking for the bright spots in all situations, but acknowledge that things aren't perfect, and you're allowed to feel however you need and want to feel. You don't have to have a grasp on everything in life; some days, we are all just barely holding things together.
Take it day by day... you got this!
Guest Blog Article Written by: Erika R. Taylor-Beck
Erika is the VP of Support and QA at Relias. She has a Bachelor's degree in Professional (Technical) Writing. Erika is passionate about people and animals. She promotes a people-first culture and believes mental health is important when building a culture.
“The word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.”
